1st January 2007...
~Ouch~... Yes!!! ... you guessed... I have a hangover... haha!!!
I feel really bad.... I'm never drinking again.... well till the next time anyway... haha!!!
I thoroughly enjoyed last night.. in fact to be honest I didn't get to bed until 4.00am... a few of my friends came to my house once the pub closed... what a laugh!!!! although I'm suffering today... no worries.. I will feel better soon....
Last night reminded me of how things used to be... and yes... my CFS was starting to creep up on me... but I dealt with it head on.... I got drunk!!!!! I was in control of my body last night... not the CFS...
It's been such a long time since I have been out and spent time with my friends... and been well... kind of normal... haha!!!! but I had fun!!!
The friends that I spent time with do not know that I'm ill... well I'm telling a lie... one of them do... Louise... and she watches out for me..
Anyway... I'm sorry but this diary has to be short and sweet... ~yawn~ I think I need to get a sleep... I'm really shattered... poor Colin was going to come down tonight to celebrate New Year... but I'm still feeling too fragile to face another drink...
Maybe tomorrow!!!!
2nd January 2007...
I got up this morning... around 9.00am... and tried to remember where I put the paracetamol.... yip!!! you guessed... I was feeling rubbish again... aarrgghh!!!! I was really peeved off.... I sat on the couch for a while... drinking my usual 10 cups... or thereabouts of tea...
Thankfully though.. after an hour or so.. the CFS symptoms disappeared.... yippee!!! but to be honest... I knew that it was only a stop gap... they would be back!!!! very soon!!!!
Oh well... I'd better make the most of my day then.... I gave the house a quick tidy... then I had a cuppa with a friend... yes, the day was going well... Colin arrived at 7.00pm... we had planned to have a New Year drink... together...
He was at mine for an hour or so... then went to my friend Janet's to wish her Happy New Year.... he came back half an hour later... we have had a few cans.. and are listening to some music.... I'm enjoying myself... and so is Colin... the poor wee soul has spent New Year up till now... on his own... as his mum is away visiting friends...
Awwww...
Looks like I have an overnight guest tonight... no worries.... I'll tell him to p** off tomorrow... lol
3rd January 2007...
Disaster!!! I wakened this morning feeling so ill... no... you guessed wrong!!! It wasn't a hangover!!!! I felt so bad... I went to get off the couch... and had to do a retake... my legs wouldn't take my weight... they were like jelly... I was feeling sick and my head hurt... I took a couple of paracetamol... they didn't work... I was struggling..... BIG TIME!!! everything I tried to do was an effort.. most of my day has been spent on the couch.... I started to feel a bit better earlier... but only for a while... every bone in my body is hurting... my throat is sore... I have a headache.. my head feels like cotton wool... and my legs are struggling to carry my weight...
Yip!!! My Bubble Of "Normality" Has Burst!!!!!
I need to get to my bed!!!!
4th January 2007...
Last night was scary.... I can't remember exactly how many times that I woke... but every time I tried to sleep, I had the most horrendous sensation going through my body.... which kept wakening me up.... my blood felt like it was bubbling through my body again... as if it was on fire... and every time I wakened... I was soaking with sweat.... my hair... my body and my clothes....
NOT GOOD!!!!!
I haven't been feeling too great today either... the full day has been a struggle... I took myself to the doctors earlier... hoping that my sore throat was real... nope... he told me that I had a virus??? his instructions were to take plenty of fluids... and paracetamol... and it would take around 10 days to clear.... all I can say is that it has been a quick 10 days... I must be in a time warp... it has gone already.... although it doesn't mean to say that it will not come back soon.... as it usually does....
I had an appointment with my work earlier... the personnel manager to be exact... but I had to phone and change the appointment... as I couldn't manage to get there.... to be honest... what chance did I have... I was struggling to get to the kitchen...
Talking about work... when I was at the doctors earlier... I had asked him to sign me back fit for work.... I honestly need to go back... xmas has taken it's toll... he took one look at me... and signed me unfit for another 6 weeks.... aarrgghh!!! maybe if I wash my hair... and put on my makeup... then I can go to the doctors next time in disguise... as someone that is well... and he will sign me fit for work then...
Well... it's worth a try.... ehhhh!!!!
5th January 2007...
I had a great sleep last night.. yippee!!!! made a nice change from the night before... I woke up this morning and my sore throat was back... ~ouch~ it only lasted for around an hour or so... I'm still not feeling 100% yet... but a lot better than what I was... the slightest thing that I do seems to tire me out... not good!!! I feel as though I have been housebound for days...
Today, I had to sort out the sale of my pup... oh no!!!! I remembered why I had put it of... I had a registration form to complete to get my pup registered with the Dog Lovers Society... aaarrgghh!!! my head was bursting!!! To be honest... I was stressed I must have phoned them at least 5 times today to get help filling in the form... the full escapade left me absolutely shattered... then I started to feel sick, my head hurt and my legs felt like jelly... I honestly would never have imagined years ago.. that even filling in a simple form would have this effect on me... no worries... it's all done now... and hopefully the pup will be sold next week... as well... along with the other 3 dogs... it's getting to much for me to cope with...
Colin... put me in touch with a girl yesterday... who is in the same position as me... we briefly spoke on the phone earlier.. she seems lovely.. and hopefully through time... we will become GOOD friends... I'm really pleased that we have been introduced to each another.... we seem to have one thing in common...
DETERMINATION!!!!!!!
This site is one of the better things that I have done in my life... not only is it an outlet for me... to release my feelings... but it is here to help to help others understand.. and realise that NO they are not alone in there battle with CFS....
I THINK MY NEXT PROTOCOL SHOULD BE ADMITTANCE!!!!
That I'm struggling to deal with... as I cannot take my lifestyle for granted anymore... It has changed so dramatically... for the worse... yes, I try to make plans... but can't... I always seem to let someone down... it isn't fair... but when reality strikes... well for a while anyway... I enjoy the moment so much that I get carried away... then boom!!! I realise that I cannot carry my actions forward... I get upset...
Hey... maybe I have CFS but I still have memories of "normality"
I drink... to forget... that I have been robbed of my previous lifestyle... but I PRAY... that one day it will be returned safely...
I just want my life back!!!
Ultravox - Hymn Lyrics
Give us this day all that you showed me
The power and the glory till my kingdom comes.
Give us this day all that you showed me
The power and the glory till my kingdom comes.Give me all the history book told me
The faith and the glory till my kingdom comes.
And they said that in our time all that's good will fall from grace.
Even saints would turn their face in our time.
And they told us that in ours days
Different words said in different ways.
Have other meaning from he who says in our time:
Give us this day all that you showed me
The power and glory till my kingdom comes.
Give me all the history book told me
The faith and the glory till my kingdom comes.
And they said that in our time we would reap from their legacy
We would learn from what they had seen in our time:
And they told us that in our days
We would know what was high on high
We would follow and not defy in our time.
Give us this day all that you showed me
The faith and there glory till my kingdom comes.Faithless in faith ,we must be hold the things we see.
Give us this day all that you showed me.The faith and the glory till my kingdom comes.
Give us this day all that you showed me
The power and the glory till my kingdom comes.
Give me all the history book told me
The faith and glory till my kingdom comes
Give us this day all that you showed me
The power and the glory till my kingdom comes.
GOD BLESS!!!!!!
6th January 2006...
Computers.!!! yes I had written my diary entry... for today.... but for some bizarre reason... it wouldn't upload.... no worries... I'll try again tomorrow....
7th January 2007...
Well here goes nothing... fingers and toes crossed that my diary entry will upload... lol!!!
Today has been a couch day again!!! I'm still not to feeling good.... to be honest I'm getting really peeved of with feeling this way.... I have been feeling rubbish since Wednesday.... enough is enough and to top everything of I need to go to work tomorrow... I have to attend a meeting to discuss the best way that my employers can help and support me to go back to work... whatever!!!! at this moment in time no chance!!! I couldn't go back at the moment even if they offered me a million pounds... for a days work!!! errrmm... maybe I could push myself it's only one day.... I could live of the interest haha!!!! I wouldn't need to work then... yippee!!!
I phoned my friend Nancy earlier... and we were having a chat.... do you know something... it's diabolical the way the system works... I had to fight tooth and nail to get my disability living allowance... and others are rejected.... it isn't right... CFS is a REAL illness... which affects millions of people everyday.... but do you know what peeves me of even more... is the fact that most CFS sufferers were overachievers once upon a time... we worked b***** hard to obtain our lifestyles... then someone sneaked in and robbed us of that... the only thing that we are left with now is determination... and have to fight to get help... whilst those who are drug users.. and alcoholics get everything handed to them on a plate... both... can claim disability living allowance... and alcoholics get more money from the system to maintain there habit... it isn't right... after all they personally chose to go down that path in life.... unfortunately... CFS sufferers... DO NOT have that freedom of choice.... I've just had an idea.... maybe I should tell them that I'm an alcoholic.... well I do have a couple of beers at night to relieve my symptoms... that must count for something!!! maybe I could claim on the basis of being a part time alcoholic... haha!!! the truth of the matter is.. as previously discussed... if I didn't have a couple of beers... there would be NO website..... it's bad enough that this is the only way that I can function...
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
