29th January 2007...
So much for my dream... it became one big horrible nightmare.... which I'm only just starting to wake up from.... as later on on Saturday night... I became totally incapacitated... one minute I was fine... and seconds later I couldn't speak, everything in front of me was a haze... my brain had no connection with my physical movements... and regardless of what I tried to do... my full body felt numb and wouldn't function... It took 2 hours... or something like that for me to be able.. to walk to the toilet.. and even then it was touch and go whether I would make it or not.
Two days later my legs still do not feel a part of me.. and yesterday I was struggling to get from "A to B"... maybe it took a little longer than first thought... but I still managed... today has been a bit of a problem as well... especially when I first got up this morning... but as the day went on... I felt a bit better... but I have realised that if I sit down... and relax... I'm having the same problem again... as in trying to co-ordinate my movements... I feel like an old woman... oh well... I am a granny after all... haha!!!
Personally speaking... I'm beginning to get a bit scared... I do not know what is going wrong... but in the last couple of weeks... things have been horrendous...
31st January 2007...
Well today... I was 99% better... I took my son to school... yipp... I got there on a wing and a prayer... but I managed all the same... I had an appointment... well originally it was to go into town... to meet my occupational therapist... to be honest... this activity was more based on the fact that it was supposed to give me some motivation... but please tell me how can you be motivated when you're struggling? no worries... she came to my house... and we had a chat... I told her how things have been lately... and how I was feeling... a while later... she suggested that we go for a walk together... so I got my hat and coat on and we left... we had intended to walk as far as my sons school... just to see how I got on... ooppss... disaster... 5 minutes into the walk... I felt awful... I felt sick, dizzy and to be honest... I felt as if I was going to pass out... I had to get home... ASAP!! and I did... I sat on the couch... was shaking... and felt dreadful... but It soon passed...
Shortly afterwards... she left... I felt fine... I washed the dishes... gave the floor a mop... then sat down... I left to pick my son up at 2.45pm... I felt okay when I left... but by the time I got there... healthwise... it was very debatable... I just had to focus ahead... I still had to get home... via the shop... On the way there I thought that I would have a pit break at my friends house... a sit down and a cup of tea... then I would be sorted... it didn't work that way... I took another bad turn at my friends... this was a lot milder than the rest... ~phew~ but it took me an hour and a half to try to recover enough... to get me home... trust me... ehh... the only day that I leave my mobile at home... I needed it to phone one of my friends for a lift home... sods law me thinks...
1st February 2007...
Well today was constructive... it has been built on honesty... it makes a change really... because within my person... if I lie to others... I am well... it's just how things have been... but now.. I have put my hands up and said.. hey, I need help... and do you know, I honestly do not feel as bad as I thought that I would... strange!!! perhaps it's because a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders... time will tell though....
I have made a doctors appointment for Tuesday... maybe this doctor will find the missing piece of my puzzle of life... I have looked for it for years.. but now... me thinks.. that I have actually lost a second piece... "silly me"... because the image that was forthwith.... no longer remains... it now resembles a shamble of the previous incomplete puzzle.... Yes, things are getting worse... but hey... I know how I deal with it.... it's a case of I'll be better tomorrow... but well lets be honest... tomorrow doesn't ever rear it's head... now does it??? We will always be addressed with the past, the present and the future... but never a tomorrow... ~sigh~
Me thinks.. at the moment I need a crystal ball... I do not want to be left with educated guesses... who does? well when you think about it... why take this big step into the unknown... only to find that we are left stranded... I suppose.. when it comes to it... life is like the lottery... some are winners... and the rest well... I think that within.. you have already answered that question... haven't you?
Life is an emotional highway... one minute.. you seem to be on a straight road... where contentment is suffice... then before you realise... you find yourself overwhelmed by traffic.. once you seem to bypass one objective... there is another in the way...
Such is life ehhhh!!!!
2nd February 2007...
Tonight's diary is more of a thought process... in a spiritual sense... we all are aware of our sensitivities... some more than others... but the stairway to this awareness.. may be natural for one... and a steep climb for others... for some, this status is natural... and for others.. there is a steep climb to this destination...yes, maybe there climb is in vain... but those that have already achieved this will be waiting to take them in there arms... at the end of the day, yes... maybe we have different views... on the meaning of life... but regardless.. we should all remember that regardless... of creed.. colour... race... etc... we have all been placed in the same boat... we have many diversions... ahead.. and for every action... we have to deal with a consequence... but that itself... makes us stronger... we will learn from our mistakes... life is a journey without a map...
4th February 2007...
Yippee!!! I'm on a road to discovery.... and sufficiently aimed for my doctors appointment on Tuesday.... I bought myself.. a blood pressure monitor on Friday... £10 out of Lloyds the chemist... I have been recording my blood pressure since then.. okay.. on Friday I just messed about with it... but since then I have recorded my blood pressure 3 times a day... well maybe.. a few more times.. when I'm feeling unwell...
My normal... is 90/60 which has been recorded... by the doctors... but since I have taken over that role... of doing it myself... it is all over the place....
Friday...
18.50pm... my blood pressure was sitting at 124/70... I was at this point feeling a bit shaky...
20.27pm... my blood pressure was sitting at 138/89.. at this point I was feeling sick, dizzy, light headed, my insides began to hurt, my legs felt like jelly, my legs were like jelly, I was shaking.... and I was frozen...
Saturday....
8.18am... my blood pressure was sitting at 111/75... at this point I was feeling a bit sick... but I was feeling okay otherwise...
10.57am... my blood pressure was sitting at 104/75... yippee!!! I felt normal....
18.34pm... my blood pressure was sitting at 138/85... I was by this point feeling so bad....
Sunday...
11.44am... my blood pressure was sitting at 97/58... I was at this point maybe feeling a bit light headed, with weakness in my arms... and legs...
15.01pm... my blood pressure was sitting at 101/65.. yippee!! I'm cured... lol... I'm feeling fine....
16.10pm... my blood pressure was sitting at 125/78...I was at this point feeling achy, shivery, but hey... I'm fine, well apart from my blurry head....
18.42pm... 101/68... I'm doing great....
To be honest... I find my findings very bizarre... just maybe... I was tired and depressed when the readings went up... no worries... I'm going to continue to monitor them... I'll find out on Tuesday....
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
