19th March 2007...
Oops... realisation has taken place... "I have became bogged down" not good!!! my coping mechanisms have developed a slight technical fault... but hopefully this will only be temporary... and all systems will be up and running soon...
My problem is that I tend not to deal with things as they happen... yes, initially I seem to get into a fluster until I can store the event in a little box... within my brain... problem is that they all have seemed to open back up again.. and instead of dealing with one scenario... I find myself trying to deal with far to much... this factor in itself... healthwise has done me no favours... and yes, I am struggling.....
I am trying to snatch a few glimpses of reality during the day.... but to be honest I think that I am starting to dwell on my negativities... I am putting a face on for others... but inside... I just want to be left alone... and even I realise that this isn't healthy... but I will continue to fight it...
Today, I took myself out of the house and went to visit a friend... I had to escape my 4 walls... I had a nice time.. but for some bizarre reason... I cannot fill the cavity that is within me....
I am in a rut... and no wonder... with what I have to deal with on a day to day basis....
I am in the process of losing my job... financially I am struggling... I am up to my eyeballs in debt... I'm having to deal with family problems... I'm trying to bring my son up single handed.. my ex will not back off... and I am still being haunted by his emotional abuse.... I have had to change my phone number to keep my ex's new girlfriend from contacting me and trying to bring me down...
And on top of that.... I am trying to cope with C.F.S
HELP!!!!!
22nd March 2007...
Sorry folks... I had to take another few days out... but I am back again...
The last couple days.. have well had there moments so to speak.... but to be honest... 2 days ago, I was struggling to cope.. the mental effects of C.F.S had left me in a turmoil... I felt myself pacing the floors... my head was heavy and I was struggling remain sane... I thought that I was going crazy, well it felt like that... it was that bad... that around 6.30pm... I had a beer... I wasn't good...
2 cans later the symptoms dispersed... but to be honest... I am still struggling... yet, with what I call... "going crazy".... It is horrific and it comes and goes... maybe I am really going crazy... and I am just blaming C.F.S... who knows...
But hey, I could really do with some help folks... or some feedback anyway.... to know that I am not alone...
Take a look at my forum, and feel free to join, yes... I know that there is not a lot of activity at the moment... as it has only just been established... but together we can make it work... and build a support community for those that are struggling to come to terms with C.F.S
I KNOW THAT I AM STRUGGLING.... AND I COULD DO WITH SOME MORAL SUPPORT...
Can YOU help ME?????
24th March 2007...
Today... was kinda okay until around 6ish!!!!
To be honest I can pretty much wrap up life's troubles in 3 words...
Life... Men and weans... hahaha!!!!
No worries... sorted now... haha!!! I had arranged yesterday for my friend Amanda to come to mine tonight... God Bless her... she was feeling as bad as I was when she first arrived....
aaarrgghh......
Sorted now though.. a few beers and a laugh sorts everything... well until tomorrow... then the hangover takes over...
I must remember to take a couple of paracetamol before going to bed.... then it'll deal with the hangover before I waken up....
Cheers... I'm going to have another beer... and to be honest me thinks Amanda nearly needs a top up....
Anyway... I will catch up tomorrow...
MAYBE!!!
29th March 2007...
The last couple of days I have had to deal with family... and leave myself out of the equation... but I am back... things have been not to bad the last couple of days... my symptoms have been... well manageable... makes a nice change...
The last couple of days though have presented a false sense of security... to the extent that I am considering going back to work... but hey, I will stay positive... my occupational therapist is going to try and negotiate terms and conditions... for me to return to work.... time will tell though... but regardless... I need to have some sort of structure within my lifestyle.. at the moment.. I am still evading company... as I am enjoying my own social circle as each day goes on....
And I feel so comfortable.....
I only have me to worry about... and I do not have to put on a pretence in public... but yipp!!! I'm still guilty of putting up a pretence via phone calls... but on a second thought... no, because they themselves have been kept to a bare minimum lately... or "short and sweet" as some might say....
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
