8th May 2007...
At the moment I am struggling... big time... I am fighting to keep focused on reality...
I feel as though a nothing keeps trying to take over my head... my reality is slowly being taken over.. but I am trying to fight back... I have done all day... with the concepts of snippets of normality... every symptom of M.E. both physically and mentally have been thrown at me today... and I do not know whether I am coming or going... I am trying to shut it out... to be honest I feel as if I am going crazy!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I crashed... slowly but surely... everything shut down... I felt no better than a zombie... but silly me... thought that if I went to bed... all would be well in the morning... my sleep last night was dreadful... I seemed to clock watch all night... but an hour or so... after wakening this morning... I wasn't feeling any better...
At the moment... I feel sick, my head hurts, I ache from head to toe, I am shivering with the cold, I can't even deal with a conversation... I just need silence... as every bit of noise around me is driving me crazy...
But here is me... trying to drown it all out... with a few beers... I have to!!!!!
I can't stand this feeling anymore!!!!!!!
I honestly feel... as though I am losing my mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I will cling on to the concept of reality as long as my body allows me to.....
Regardless!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
9th May 2007...
Well last night I blew it!!! I lost the battle again... and had to get help...
I sat at the computer for a while... and every so often I felt this big nothing coming over me.. again and again... I had two cans of beer last night... but it didn't straighten out my head... so I started on a third... I just wanted to make it all go away... but it didn't... I know that I was periodically losing time last night... but I knew that I needed to get help... around 10.30pm... I was struggling... and to think that folks think that M.E. just makes people tired!!!
There are to many neurological symptoms to deal with... and to me... they are the worse than the M.E. itself...
On a brighter note... with reference to my diary entry 30th April.... I got my urine test results back today... and yippee!!! a real infection for a change...
As in my the blood test that I got last week... for my low calcium level... I got the results back today... still no change... I have to go back on Wednesday for another blood test... I'm getting pretty peeved off... this will be the fourth time that this test has been repeated....
10th May 2007...
Today hasn't been too great... again!!!
I had an early, beer- less... night last night... I thought that it might make a difference... but no, I got up this morning still feeling bad... I had a headache... ached all over and my legs were like jelly...
I have found throughout the day... that I am tiring even doing the slightest activity... I suppose the most tiring thing that I have done all day... is to walk to the local shop and back.. which is a 5 minute walk away... on the way down... my head was in a haze... and my legs were wobbly... and by the time I got home... I was breathless... and started to shake... time for a sleep I thought... and I did... I slept for about half an hour... then my dog woke me up... he was in his pen... and would not stop whining...
The day has just been a disaster... I am stressed... agitated... can't focus on anything for more than a few minutes... my body aches... and I feel as though something is crawling under my skin... I am so itchy... every time I try to concentrate on the slightest thing.... even as much as a phone call... I am feeling sick... and my head is in a haze... and I'm getting so agitated... I have just been trying to do every thing at my pace today... a few minutes here and there...
Yipp!!! I am definitely losing it... with myself... my dogs... and if my phone rings again... I'm getting it disconnected... but seriously... I just need space at the moment... to plod on in my world of unreality... at the moment it is all I can deal with... as the concept of reality is to exhausting!!!!
11th May 2007...
Today has been no better than yesterday... I am still trying to deal with the mental symptoms of C.F.S.... and yes... periodically I am fine...
Hopefully this scenario is subsiding... as I have been okay for an hour and a half.... but I have struggled today... big time!!
My home-help was in today... and she was concerned about my health... I noticed today... that I had a numbness... in my head... and it was spreading down the right hand side of my face.... my lips, hands and feet were tingling.... and I was struggling to string a sentence together....
I got my appointment through today... for my bone scan... so much for the 4 month waiting period... I am going for the bone density scan a week on Wednesday... I will just need to wait and see what the results are....
My son... is away for the weekend... he will be back on Sunday... so for the next day and a half... I am going to use this time to get better....
Well until the next time I am floored.....
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
