22nd May 2007...
Things have been pretty hard at the moment... and here I am struggling again...
I caught a cold on Friday... no big deal or so I thought... but it has floored me... to be honest the symptoms of M.E. have overpowered the virus itself...
I have had a temperature since Sunday... and my energy level is zero... even the concept of going to the kitchen to make a cup of tea... is tiring... I'm going from the kitchen... then back on the couch... the toilet then back to the couch... I'm just so tired...
I took myself to the doctors today... I had no choice... turns out I have another chest infection... my glands are swollen... my throat is inflamed... and my ears are pretty red inside... I was given an antibiotic... so hopefully I will be on the mend soon... well until the next time...
A miracle was bestowed on me today... all of a sudden... for no apparent reason... 4 blood tests later... my calcium level is back to normal... yeehaa!!! but I am still waiting on my parathyroid results to come back yet... my friend told me... to get my backside back down to the doctors... and demand an explanation... it as if they just kept checking until they got a positive result then swept the full scenario under the carpet... so to speak... but something was wrong... after all your calcium level doesn't just drop for the sheer hell of it... but I have noticed something... my hair has stopped falling out over the past week... but in saying that... it goes through stages... of falling out... then it stops... weird...
Tomorrow I have my bone density scan to attend... I wonder what that will show...
To be honest... I've reached the stage of I do not give a dam... I am really peeved off...
At the moment... I feel like shite... I ache from head to toe... and I'm exhausted... but I can't handle feeling like this anymore... I'm having a beer and trying to escape... well momentarily...
Maybe... just for a little while... I will be in control... instead of my M.E.
Yes I know that I am being silly... but at this precise moment... I do not give a dam!!!!
23rd May 2007...
With reference to last nights escapisms... no I couldn't even drink to escape.. I'm afraid I had to have another couch night...
Today... periodically I have felt a little bit better... but I am still struggling in between... but hey as per usual I will get there... no choice really... I need to get back on my feet again...
I went to the hospital today... and got my bone density scan done... my sister took me in the car... otherwise I would not have managed to get there... so I should get the results back in 14 days... or thereabouts...
24th May 2007...
Last night I drank my sorrows away... well it worked for a while... until I woke this morning and reality set back in... ooppss!!!
I felt rubbish this morning... big time... but as the day went on... I felt okay... it's just a pity that the rest of me wasn't working... I had no energy to get up of the couch and get the house tidied... I did try though... eventually I managed to the downstairs floors washed... around 5pm... well the rest will have to wait till tomorrow... at least I will get a bit of help then... my home-help comes in tomorrow...
Well as of today... looks like I will be picking up my pension... 20 years earlier than expected... I have had an offer from the pensions department to be pensioned of due to ill health... they have offered me the full pension... which comes to around £42 a week... and the decision will be revised again in 2 years... I need to think about it... it isn't a lot of money...
Financially... I will be on the breadline... but what else can I do???
Go back to work??? well that itself is very debatable....
25th May 2007...
I have spent today... still weighing up the "pros and cons" of being unemployed.. after calculating everything.. I will be £50.00 a week worse of... I'm going to have to cut some corners in my outgoings.. perhaps that might help...
To be honest.. the biggest obstacle in me accepting the pension.. is my pride.. I have worked all my days.. but I suppose I will just need to swallow my pride and accept the fact that I am unable to work.. it will be a bitter pill to swallow... trust me!!
I suppose.. up until now... what has kept me going is the fact that I kept telling myself that I will be better tomorrow.. but unfortunately... tomorrow never comes.. I need to think of something practical to do.. and try and earn some money..
ANY SUGGESTIONS???
I had a good idea earlier... I'm was thinking about making a compilation of poems.. and sending them away to a publisher.. well you never know.. I might be rich and famous one day... but one thing I know for sure.. the title of my compilation would be entitled.. "My Glass Cage" because... for so many years.. I have been a prisoner within it's four walls.. and it is about time.. people understood the person behind the invisible illness of C.F.S don't you think???
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
