16th July 2007...
Today, I have ended an era.... my employment within Tesco..... ~sigh~
But to be honest what else could I have done under the detrimental circumstances????
Although today , is the end of an era..... it is only the beginning of my future.... I am determined and I will find supportive employment elsewhere...... just you wait and see.....
Today, healthwise.... I have felt rubbish.... I'm stressed, anxious, agitated... and this cold is not helping.....
I need to seek refuge within my glass cage.... but circumstances will not allow me to.... last night I escaped suffocation.... only to return....
At the moment.... I am intrigued by anothers comment.... based on insecurity..... and trying to relay some sort of justification has why a father has to create a story to disperse an overnight stay with his son....
In the brief conversation with my ex partners new wife.... I was described a s dressing like a Neanderthal.... only now... have I realised the depth of her insecurities....
ooppss.......
Well she would insist accompanying my ex partner to pick up my son.... what did she expect!!!! for some notorious monster to make her way to the car to say bye to her son????
To be honest... the childishness of this situation is deeming on ridiculous.... if she has adopted an inferiority complex... which is only righted in her eyes.... by insulting another.... then perhaps... she has to seek professional help.... as disregarding another only leads to hilarity at her so called expense...
17th July 2007...
Tonight I get to relax.... my daughter and her kids are now back home... after staying for a week... the house is empty, and now I get to relax.....
Good timing.... last night I started to go downhill, I was struggling big time... today I have ran on nervous energy... and stayed out beyond my curfew..... of 7pm ish....
I got home around 9pm ish.... and trust me, at the moment I am starting to struggle.... I tried to talk to my sister on the phone.... and I was feeling sick... agitated... etc... but I have told her that I maybe will catch up with her on msn.....
I have so much going on in my head at once.... that I am struggling to deal with a single concept.... all my problems... have went haywire... I have not had time to deal with them.. and put them into boxes.... but I will tame them eventually....
The apocalypse
The apocalypse is nigh
life has we know it
will shred it's petals
and die...
like the rose.
within this flower beauty
shone..
but touch the thorns
then defense and destruction
divulged
ones self image of beauty
within the layers of life
destruction will lie dormant
Many will be filed with
admiration of the beauty
on display
but reject the significance of the
opposite on display
Within the rose blooms...
then begins to wither then dies
Within the significance of it,s apparel
we can pluck such a flower whilst it blooms...
but within,
we are being selfish
who are we to deem life expectancies
regardless of whatever capacity
To insure the a world of beauty
and let the ugliness of such a world
go unrecognized
That I will tell you...
We are the martyrs of society....
who suffer in silence...
within we are programmed to
continue regardless
Unlike the expectations of the rose
why the thorns of protection
what difference do they make?
as they bloom, whither and die..
The same can be said for
individuals
who's intentions are high
they think that they are shielded with
determination
and are safe.....
But within this sanctuary of self being...
the apocalypse hits....
what then?????
within this sanction of
controversy...
we are deemed no better than the rose...
yes, we were born
as in the bud...
and yes, we bloomed.. as in life
we withered... as in being aged
So why the tools of protection?
as in the thorns of the rose?
and the determination of such an individual?
So why try to appease such a sanctuary
within...
whilst the apocalypse reigns?
Whatever future
whatever dream
the apocalypse now has a claim
within itself it has shed a world of
darkness...
of an era.. which has now come to and endRegardless!!!!
18th July 2007...
Today is the dawn of survival.... the apocalypse tried to destroy me.... but I survived..... for now, I just need to pick up the pieces of my life.... and try to piece them together....
Once the last piece is back in place.... I will be complete, such is the jigsaw of my life.....
Today, I have been floored.... I woke up at 8.40am... and was struggling to move.... eventually I got my son his breakfast around 10.30am.... got his clothes ready at 12.45am....
This is not good....
My son was out for a couple of hours earlier.... he has now been given a befriender.... who can take him out on outings.... how guilty do I feel????? regardless... he had a great time.... and me.... well, whilst he was away... I slept....
As in now... I am still trying to deal with the concept of a chest infection.... a cold... and the symptoms of C.F.S/M.E.
21st July 2007...
I am still struggling to come up for air..... one minute I am fine... then I am ill....
I just need to get better.... soon!!!!!
To be honest, I am getting peeved of and frustrated with the full scenario...
My son is away to Oban today... with my brother in law.... and I have taken the time rest... but to be honest, right now I feel rubbish.
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
