23rd July 2007...

Within the self preservation of energy, we tend to become selfish to others requirements... friendship is questioned as we are deemed to only invite it within... momentarily, but regardless... in my experience I have very good and close friends.... and I thank them... they have never dismissed me for lack of contact.... and when I need them.. they are my pillar of support.....

I would be lost without them.. and I would be in despair if the availability of support was absconded....

As Saturday night came to a close... I received some information which basically sent me over the wall so to speak.... I was abusive to the folks that were connected to the incident in particular... and I had to escape from my house... I felt as if the walls were closing in on me... and I was suffocating.... I needed companionship... from one person in particular.... my best friend in the whole wide world.... Louise...

Throughout the years... we have derived a mutual understanding.... and have always been open and honest with each other.... regardless 

She has advised me in every negative situation on how to be positive.... and helped me to adapt a positive outlook in dealing with it....

Sometimes I wish that I had inherited her credentials in life.... as within myself... I see good in all... and try to help regardless.... even to the point that I am being trodden on, used and become a pushover so to speak....

My daughter has used me, humiliated me... and has absconded my feelings after the incident of her partner as at the moment... she is living under the perspective view of a woman batterer.... she has dismissed everything that he has done.... due to the factor of his illusive behaviour....

No more am I living under the reign of Nasir Ali.... and the preconception that he has portrayed within my daughter.... as for now I am free.....

I have had to develop the selfish approach... to keep my own sanity.... as on Saturday.... even that in itself was questionable.....

But for the moment... I am sane.... and I have my friends to thank for that....

Especially Louise.... thank you and ~HUGZ~

 

24th July 2007...

How many times do we take the information leaflet out after being prescribed medication by the doctor... read the side effects, then dismiss them??? At this moment I wish that I had studied the side effects closer...

Today, I woke up with a sore mouth... and as the day progressed I felt as if my tongue and my throat was swollen... but as per usual I dismissed it.... until I tried to eat my breakfast.... I found it painful to eat, painful to swallow... and has the food passed down.. that in itself was an experience... I gargled some Corsidol... and took a couple of paracetamol that seemed to dull the symptoms for a while....

My sister had phoned later in the day... and she came to pick up me and my son... we spent the day at the beach... it was great... but as the day progressed... my mouth was becoming extremely painful.... and I was beginning to find it hard to swallow...

Around 5.00pm... we sat for a while and my sister, her partner, her son... and my son had a bite to eat... I tried to eat a packet of crisps... but that in itself was horrific... so, I left half the packet and my nephew put them in the bin.... as not only was it painful to eat them.. but I was struggling to swallow them...

I got home around 6.00pm ish... and since then... things are going from bad to worse... no worries... tomorrow I will need to see the doctor again.... (won't he be pleased) lol but seriously speaking... the drug Klaricid was given, not only to try to combat a chest infection.... but to help to clear the Helicobacter pylori infection that was in my stomach...

It just gets better and better.... doesn't it!!!!!

 

25th July 2007...

Well I went to the doctors.. and as I had first thought... I am taking a reaction to the antibiotics... I asked if I should stop taking them... but I was advised against it.... as I only have one more day to go....

He explained that the Helicobacter pylori infection had created ulcers in my digestive tract.... hence the pain that I had been suffering.... now he tells me... lol

But all joking apart.... my mouth is extremely painful... my tongue and my throat are still swollen... and I have sores in both corners of my lips.... he prescribed a drug called Nystatin... commonly used for oral thrush.... to try and elevate the pain...

I tried to eat a roll with lettuce earlier.... and not only was I struggling to swallow it... I was in tremendous pain afterwards.... as I found that I was in pain when the food passed down my gullet.... but I had to try and eat something....

Just now... I am having problems... even trying to swallow my saliva... so I take it... I will not be having my dinner tonight....

On a positive note... it makes a great diet plan.... as I still have a couple of pounds to lose.... to fit back into my jeans again.... lol

 

26th July 2007...

As in the factor that I still have a couple of pounds to lose.... I just realised that I know have a couple of pounds to gain... I weighed myself today... and I am 7st 3lbs ooppss... I wonder how that happened... firstly I have been under a lot of stress.. and secondly been ill....

Today, I have had nothing to eat... but I will try to eat tomorrow... I have one more pill to take... yipp the ones that seemingly I am allergic to.... then hopefully... things will start to settle down....

I have been feeling a discomfort in my chest today.... put it down to heartburn... but half a bottle of Gaviscon later... it is still there...

Right now... I am feeling very uncomfortable.... but if things are no better tomorrow... back to the doctors I go....

27th July 2007...

As in last nights entry.... after I came offline... I found myself in a great deal of pain, to the extent that I was going to phone the doctor on call... but then I realised after lying down... if I lay on my back.. the pain subsided, but regardless I phoned my sister and asked he r to keep her phone beside her whilst she was sleeping.... just in case...

I managed to fall asleep... but periodically woke up in the night... as I had turned on my side in my sleep... and the pain had restarted... so I lay on my back again...

I was fine... when I woke this morning... but as the day went on... the pain started again... I was just about to phone the doctor... when it subsided.... and then replaced by pins and needles in my feet.... at first I dismissed it... but then my left arm was painful... I had pain in my shoulder blades, my chest, I was shivering with the cold.. to the extent that I had to put on a jumper... and I wrapped myself in my sleeping bag....

I remember having facial pain.... and shooting pains in my left leg... then my face and lips became numb.... and my heart was racing... I then decided to take my blood pressure... it was 144/85... ooppss... bearing in mind it only ever stands between 90/60 and 110/70...

Time to lie down... me thinks, I had been on the phone... previously... and made my excuses and hung up...

After a couple of hours... I began to feel better... yeehaa!!! so I took my blood pressure again... it was 107/70

I did a case study prior to today's events... when I wasn't to great... I noticed the rise in my blood pressure, I took notes on how I was feeling at the time... and eventually presented them to the doctor....

In amidst the appointment... I began to feel really ill... within I began to feel shaky... and my breathing became irregular... I then told the doc.. to take my blood Celsius...pressure... and it was 135/something... I can't remember... but what I do remember is that she commented on the factor... that I was hyperventilating.... and to try and control my breathing... and that... well according to her... was the fact that my blood pressure had became normal....

Whatever.... everyone is different....

eg... the medical profession set a guide on the body temperature... this is indicated at 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit or 37.0 degrees Celsius...

So why is my normal temperature 35.6 degrees Celsius... have a temperature at 37.0 degrees and above???

To be honest, it is about time that the N.H.S. dismissed there tables of normality... and took into consideration... that we all differ...

After all.. we are not robots... we are independent human beings!!!

But to be honest... to dismiss the tables of normality... within the N.H.S. would therefore cause confusion... as then they would have to dismiss there text book diagnoses....

Might not be such a bad thing really... as up till now... if our symptoms ain't in there book... we are depressed.... and if we challenge that prognosis... then we are labeled with C.F.S./M.E. which according to the specialists... is a term.. when they can't find an answer to our symptoms....

But to date... even though this illness... has been recognised by the Chief Medical  Officer... as being real... we as suffers.. are still categorized under the Mental Health Act....

It is about time... they got it sorted....

After all... how many millions of us are... well in the jurisdiction... of the medical profession... going insane???

It is about time... they got there finger out of there ass and dealt with it.... cause it ain't going to go away....

The population of suffers... are growing day by day... but hey... no worries... we are just a growing population of depressives.... or so they think....

But I will say something... I only pray that I was just depressed.... there is a cure for that... as in antidepressants....

I rest my case!!!!!!

29th July 2007...

Tonight's diary... ventures on the journey of such a debilitating, disabling and misunderstood illness... such is the factor of M.E/CFS

So if you are a friend, carer, parent, aunt, uncle, gran or grandpa... etc... please spare a moment of your time... and partake this journey of understanding... this within will arm you with the required knowledge to provide support to any close family members/friends.... that require understanding.... yes, I am aware of the factor that within... they look well... but it is a well known factor... that the naked eye... does not detect nor understand what it can't see....

Cancer in itself... is always a good conversation starter.... that we can understand... and can at least give support to those that suffer.... but we can not see it.... and to this day... it has been well reported, that a dog has the ability to smell it... and within this concept... is a virtue for many suffers.. whose life's have been saved.... by there pet dog....

Now what would happen if the detrimental effects of cancer were never publicized as being as horrific as they are.... and the knowledge of the secondary effects... due to trying to cure it as in radiation and chemotherapy left the person involved.... more helpless than the cancer itself.... with only a certain percentage of full recovery.... yes, sometimes... they reach a stage of remission.... until the cancer comes back.... but due to the advance in medicine... if the cancer is caught a early stages... then the sufferer can and does.... carry on a normal and healthy lifestyle....

So now you understand the concept of cancer... but do you understand exactly how that person is feeling... mentally and physically?

Me thinks not....

Now we approach the junction... and this road leads to the world of a C.F.S/M.E sufferer... and due to the controversy negative publication... you feel lost... but please do not despair... I know where we are going.....

Now we are approaching the publicized symptoms....

as in....

Other reported symptoms...

But we are still disregarded... looked on as being depressives....

But please take a minute, close your eyes... and imagine how you would feel if you had to suffer all or some of these symptoms at once.... bearing in mind... how poorly you would feel suffering only one symptom at a time....

I take it that you are feeling really bad... as realisation sets in... well imagine how we feel... and the press have publicized this as no more than yuppie flu....

Yes, I know what you are thinking... how dare I even use cancer as an opposite....

Well why not, as said above... people die from cancer... but what the press has not published is the factor.... that people also die from C.F.S./M.E.

SORRY, DID YOU NOT KNOW???

Well now you do...

Case scenario.....

Sophia Mirza

The above... is perhaps one of the most documented cases of neglect... amongst the health providers.... but there has been many more....

Thank you for partaking this journey to realisation....

~HUGZ~

 

Other Diary Entries

Week Beginning

2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th

2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st

2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd