4th September 2007...
I have just realised that I have inheritated a clone of myself... we are so alike... but so different...
The first Linda, well she is so ambitious, enthusiastic... to the extent that she will try to put the worlds to rights again...
The second Linda, well... she is ill and struggles in every capacity.... although she is headstrong... and will never give up.... but will always pay the price... regardless
Yes, I have tried to clone the clones... so to speak... but I have ended up with a mismatch....
Research shows so far that the first Linda + the second Linda... = disaster....
The combination of the two... only creates a level of confusion, frustration, ambition, determination, hopelessness, tears, hyperactivity.... etc....
The defining factor to the destruction of the unit itself... is fatigue.... as one of these clones... have that inbuilt disability.... whereas.. the mind, the body and every operative organ... which relates to survival tires... more quickly than the other clone.... whereas... they are fit and healthy... both share the same aspect in life... to achieve there pre set goals... but the healthier clone.. can establish that quicker... and when cloned with the weaker one... disaster....
As we are then presented with a multitude of obscurities... which in lay man's terms... presents us with a mere factor of frustration.... as one's mind... is not consistent with the other... and one's body... can't partake the physical requirement to succession....
How bizarre.... but to be honest... the above can be deemed as incompatibility.... regardless... of the so called clone... we all have problems... but different one's....
But in the life of a C.F.S/M.E sufferer.... and bearing in mind... we are one.... our bodies and minds.... are so incompatible.... and the disaster which follows... that incompatibility... provokes... a serious deteriotecion in our health....
Perhaps one day soon... our bodies and mind will became one... and finally we will be at peace... once again....
8th September 2007...
Sometimes... when things go wrong... it makes no sense... and I realise that at times... that I should have done better... especially when realisation comes knocking on the door... it takes me a little while... to add up the consequences.. of ignorance...
But to be honest.. those that take advantage of such a situation... do so... because at that moment... they seek controlism...
Why???
Because... the so called impact that they first derived... only comes back to haunt them...
Yes, perhaps they may play mind games... and act in a childish fashion... but to them... this is there only defence.... is to try and make you feel foolish...
(note) I am ill and certainly not stupid....
As the factor of realisation has gone beyond the so, called excuses that were first portrayed... as I nearly fell out with a friend today... as in non contact...
But to be honest... this friend in particular had asked me to put the prefix of 1470 before dialing the phone number... as my number is automatically withheld... and I have called every day with no answer.... but at the time... I did not realise that I had been calling with a withheld number.... as this friend does not answer withheld calls due to personal reasons....
Ooppss....
No worries... it has been rectified... and contact is now resumed...
But why would and for what reason... would someone... go into my personal numbers... and take away the prefix of 1470?
What do they wish to gain from such an action?
To be honest... at the moment... I am passed caring...
Now I have realised that....
the only person that I can depend upon... from here on in.... is ME!!!!!!!!!
9th September 2007...
To be honest.. as in last night's diary entries quote..
"Now I have realised that....
the only person that I can depend upon... from here on in.... is ME"!!!!!!!!!
It turns out... that even me... is letting me... down...
I sat today... and tried to analyze my lifestyle... the only theory that I came up with.. was the factor of...
Yes, perhaps I want to better myself.. and put the world to rights... but I already know... that this factor, within itself.. is unobtainable... as in...
Within our lifestyle... we meet many people.. the ones we care about, love and unfortunately... those that create hurt.. we continue to care for those that require it... we mourn the loss of a loved one... and for the ones that have created a level of hurt and despair.. we end up in some way or another... damaged or fragile.. from the impact that they have thrust upon us... and unfortunately... both you and me.. and many others... have became victims to the ignorance and the hurt that unfortunately society has to offer...
For the past 24 hours... I myself have been imprisoned within the grip of the symptoms of C.F.S/M.E... and as for the concept of me... letting me down... yes, I stand accused... as I was to tired to fight... instead of spending a night of escapism... amidst my dreams... I spent the full night in pain... and by the time.. reinforcements arrived... I had within... entered into a new battle of symptoms....
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
