10th September 2007...
Today... has been hellish... I woke up this morning.. and felt like I had been hit by a Double Decker bus... lol... but seriously... I ached from head to toe... I felt sick.. and dizzy and my head was thumping... but fortunately and phew.. the symptoms soon passed... only to return an hour or so later... by 12.30pm... I was wrapped up in my sleeping bag... and went for a sleep on the couch... I had no choice... my body did not want to "play ball" so to speak.. I slept for 2 hours... and when I woke... I felt great...
I got to work tonight at 4.45pm... and then again... by 7.00pm I was struggling big time!!!
I have sat through a 4 hour shift.. feeling sick, shivering... my head ached... my legs were like jelly... and listening to cheeky customers... they either gave me a mouthful of cheek on the phone... or they hung up on me... so at the moment you can imagine how I am feeling... right now... I hate my job!!!
Tonight, I did not accomplish the pre-set targets... for sales... I just wanted to go home...
No worries... tomorrow is another day... I am just hoping... that it will be a better day than the two previous ones... that I have been subjected to... but you know the old saying... "things come in three's" well on that principle... I will not hold my breath waiting on experiencing a good day tomorrow...
Perhaps Wednesday will be better????
I will let you know....
11th September 2007...
Well at the moment... I am still waiting on a better day.... ~sniff~ as said already... bad luck always comes in three's...
Today, was a huge big disaster... and as in the factor of my job being target driven... I should have just taken the day of... as my appearance at work accomplished nothing... and by the time it reached 9.00pm... I had accrued a target of a big nothing!!!!
As suggested already... perhaps Wednesday will be better...
But as per usual.. time will tell...
12th September 2007...
To date... as in diary entry dated 7th September... I have dismissed my clone... the second Linda became to cumbersome to carry whilst I was trying to reach my goals in life... I was starting to become frustrated... with the significance of the level of negativity that she portrayed...
Yes, I have became selfish again... but I have to obtain my goal... and I will and have dismissed others that threaten my self preservation...
As in my suggestion of Wednesday being a better day.... I was 100% accurate...
Not only.. has my health been great... but whilst at work... I doubled my expected target of sales within the four hour period....
Yeeha!!!!!!!
14th September 2007...
To date... work has turned out better than first thought... Yeeha!!!!
I have now through a conversation with a work colleague who's mum has C.F.S/M.E learned of a doctor who is sympathetic towards patients with this debilating condition... and whilst we conversed... another work colleague joined in... her friend suffers also....
I have the name... and the telephone number of the practice and the name of the doctor concerned ... and I intend to phone on Monday... after all, what have I got to lose...
Nothing!!!!!
15th September 2007...
I have pushed myself beyond the contempt of normalization... as at the moment.. my body has ceased to comply with the so called virtues of normality....
My bodily functions have acquired there own virtue... and as in an outsider looking in... regardless of the painkillers that I have consumed.... to stop it in it's tracks... it is on a mission of destruction.... regardless... and I am unfortunately suffering the consequences...
At the moment, my head is still working... hence this plea... does anyone know how I can rectify this problem?
If so, please respond A.S.A.P
16th September 2007...
Last night was a tough one... I whilst I was sleeping heard strange noises... I thought that they were within my dreams... until reality struck... and the noises were for real... I jumped out of my bed at 3.45am... and went to investigate... the noise was coming from my older dogs pen...
He is 18 year old Yorkshire terrier.. and if the truth be told... and the vet had there own way... he should have been put to sleep 5 weeks ago.... yes, he is suffering... but I do not have the heart to get him put down...
Last night.. around 9.30pm... I had put him in the back garden... and I heard strange moaning noises... I looked in the garden and found my dog... in a collapsed state in the back garden... I lifted him and put him in his pen... god bliss him...
But to cut a long story short... last night after I woke and realised... what was happening... the poor wee soul was lying rigid on his side.... front and back legs facing outward... and moaning.. and howling... I tried to lift him.. but his body was limp... I tried again and again to get him to stand on his feet... my tears were blinding me... and I begged and prayed... that he would be okay... then eventually I put him in a sitting position... and managed to stay upright for at least a few minutes.... then cuddled up and went to sleep...
This morning... when I went to lift him.. he was covered in excretion... I had to wash him... then left him in the garden for a few minutes... he collapsed again...
I ran into the garden to help him... and he was lying on his side... and struggling.... I brought him back in.. and left him to try and walk in the living room... but he continually fell... so I lifted him and put him back to his bed...
He managed to get up... around 6pm ish... tried to eat his dinner.... then staggered back into bed... it is now 8.45pm.. and he has not moved since...
Seemingly... I have been bestowed with the decision... of life or death... as in trying to keep him alive... or taking him to the vets... to be put down....
How can I make that choice?... after all I struggle ever day to retain my existence... I am to determined to give up... I am trying to (as silly as it seems) trying to pass my virtues on to my dog...
But regardless... I now know what I have to do... and it is going to break my heart...
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
