3rd October 2007...

My perception of normality was periodically raised today... and through this aspect.. reality came flooding in.. 

The past few days have been a blur... as momentarily I was losing time... and was struggling to retain my sanity... 

Yes, perhaps it was a psychosis... of some form... but it has now got to the extent that I have developed pre-warning symptoms... such as:

At the moment.. I am peeved of, as if I do not have enough to deal with... and it does not help.. when the suggestion of it may be epilepsy.. is offered...

All I want is a normal life... but then again... what is the perception of normal??? I lost that concept a long time ago... as my life is now a continuous battle for survival...

 

6th October 2007...

No longer will I be susceptible to this medieval form of torture...

I surrender....

My only allie is in the medical profession... which within itself will aid me to defend myself against my enemies of destruction...

I have since realised.. that determination, beer and denial are not enough to win this battle... to the extent of I will be better tomorrow... has let me down also... 7 days later.. and I am still struggling...

Today, has been my first day out... on my own... and even then it was a disaster...  as in an hour later I needed help, I had to get my dad to rescue me from the town, take me to his house... then I slept for 2 hours... and no, I did not feel any better after wakening...

Bad timing... I suppose.. but it is bad enough when you have to try to time your health to suit others... it ain't right...  as there should never be limitations... in the aspect of normality...

After all I did  not, nor want to conquer the world...

I just wanted to spend quality time with my mum and dad...

 

8th October 2007...

Just sat here thinking of previous diary entries.. and on looking back on some of them... each diary entry portrays a different sentiment based on the journey of life itself... 

But what other fail to realise.. that my journey itself carries a burden.. far greater than the mind could ever imagine... as realisation will only truly set in wherein , the eye can see and within this aspect... then the brain will become cognitive... but sadly.. for most people this function seems to have a slight technical hitch... which within itself.. leads to a realm of misunderstanding, negativity and ignorance... 

Perhaps one day this technicality, will, within itself, resume a compliant service of understanding, empathy and care.... and therefore.. shut the door to it's previous successors... 

But then again... as per usual.. we live in hope... 

Without that concept.. we have nothing!!!! 

As we hope to be well again... 
We hope to get our life back again.. 
We want to be able to work again... 
We yearn to be able to make plans again... 
For a while... yes, our constitution of hope only remains an aspect of our dreams... as within that aspect.. we are well..

Perhaps that is why we, as sufferers need to sleep... 

It is the only time that we can repair our bodies, due to the trauma that society as a whole has created.. for each and everyone of us.... and within this aspect we are well again... 

As a whole... as sufferers.. we will take every advantage of every situation of positivity in a bid to grasp reality... and through this.. determination will suffice...

 

 

Other Diary Entries

Week Beginning

2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th

2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st

2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd