8th October 2007...
Just sat here thinking of previous diary entries.. and on looking back on some of them... each diary entry portrays a different sentiment based on the journey of life itself...
But what other fail to realise.. that my journey itself carries a burden.. far greater than the mind could ever imagine... as realisation will only truly set in wherein , the eye can see and within this aspect... then the brain will become cognitive... but sadly.. for most people this function seems to have a slight technical hitch... which within itself.. leads to a realm of misunderstanding, negativity and ignorance...
Perhaps one day this technicality, will, within itself, resume a compliant service of understanding, empathy and care.... and therefore.. shut the door to it's previous successors...
But then again... as per usual.. we live in hope...
Without that concept.. we have nothing!!!!
As we hope to be well again...
We hope to get our life back again..
We want to be able to work again...
We yearn to be able to make plans again...
For a while... yes, our constitution of hope only remains an aspect of our dreams... as within that aspect.. we are well..
Perhaps that is why we, as sufferers need to sleep...
It is the only time that we can repair our bodies, due to the trauma that society as a whole has created.. for each and everyone of us.... and within this aspect we are well again...
As a whole... as sufferers.. we will take every advantage of every situation of positivity in a bid to grasp reality... and through this.. determination will suffice...
11th October 2007...
To date, my determination to survive this horrible debilitating existence... is fraudulent...
Why??
Because I am no longer in control...
Today, I had to go to my son's school.. has they were holding a Harvest Festival... and my son was doing the narration...
To be honest, I was lucky to have even got to the school... but when I did.. I was very ill and nearly passed out... thank god for friends... as I had to be taken back home...
I suppose again it is my own fault.. for thinking that I could manage a 5 min walk..
I give up!!! I am to tired to fight anymore...
13th October 2007...
Amidst my dreams... I am whole again and complete... please do not waken me... as if and when you do... I then have to live my nightmare's ...
I just need some time out... as my emotions are all over the place....
I am scared, frustrated... and vulnerable... as my symptoms have exceeded those of C.F.S/M.E and I am struggling to deal with them...
I am lost in the realm of understanding...
And trying to survive in the hope that one day... I will find my "magic pill" which will in turn... aid my plight to survival...
Other Diary Entries
Week Beginning
2008
September:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
August:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
July:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
June:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
May:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
April:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
March:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
February:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
January:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th2007
December:
31st, 24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
November:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
October:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st
September:
24th, 17th, 10th, 3rd
August:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
July:
30th, 23rd, 16th, 9th, 2nd
June:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
May:
28th, 21st, 14th, 7th
April:
30th, 23rd, 2nd
March:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
February:
26th, 19th, 12th, 5th
January:
29th, 22nd, 15th, 8th, 1st2006
December:
25th, 18th, 11th, 4th
November:
27th, 20th, 13th, 6th
October:
30th, 23rd
