Invisibility...

I live in a glass cage.. whereas.. people will look at me and see nothing wrong... but within.. I host a barrage of symptoms... beyond these symptoms.. there lies.. a minefield of emotion...

With or without the invisibility factor... this illness.. has made a significant impact.. on my lifestyle... it has restricted my access to activity... nearly cost me my job (which I'm only just hanging onto) it has affected my social life... my family life... and my ability to rely on my body... to function normally....

Within this invisibility.. it leads to many impacts... mainly within the patient...

Being distrusted.. and disbelieved... takes on an immediate impact on the patient... not only do they have to deal with a multi-dimension illness... but they also have to deal with the fact... that in some cases... there it is also the case of dismissive attitudes whether this illness... is of a physical.. or a psychological nature...

Patient's need an explanation... one that is personally accepted... as they are psychologically vulnerable to threats on there self-esteem.. and a socially acceptable.. explanation.. as they do not want to be categorized.. as in having a psychological illness...

YES!!! PEOPLE WITH C.F.S. CAN SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION, PANIC ATTACKS AND ANXIETY...

But these are based on the symptoms... of the long term effect of the illness itself...

Being tearful.. angry.. frustrated... etc.. are all deemed as normal responses for a long term illness... of any nature...

Although... it can be difficult to accept.. when these feelings... have taken over you... you may find that you have low motivation.. and your interests... have declined... it becomes.. over consuming.. and you may not realise that extra help is required...

But being extra tearful... irritable... etc... should be taken as a warning sign... as you may have developed a mood problem, and hopefully... those around you such as family... and close friends... can be the first to notice... that something seems wrong......

Like any other distressing symptom.... mood problems need to be addressed... as it can reduce your ability to cope with the illness as it exacerbates... other symptoms....

People with M.E.. or C.F.S. can be... and are sensitive to medication.. whereas... a low dose of antidepressant drug.. will be.. suggested..

On a personal note.... a year later... I did try... I honestly.. thought it was the "magic pill" that I had been seeking... the doctor tried every group of antidepressants.. and I was so sensitive to them that the doctor.. has refused to give me any more medication... but it was suggested... that I try beta blockers.... wrong move.... I was taken off them also... OH WELL!! what can I say?????

I JUST NEED TO DO... C.F.S. COLD TURKEY THEN!!!!

I did once upon a time... ask to speak to a councellor.... he was part of the mental health team.... and expected the usual... and I got it!! I'm depressed... the usual.... I honestly.. stopped him in his tracks I turned it around by asking... what was the most lingering... illness that he had ever contracted... he told me the flu... I asked.. him, bearing in mind... that he was ill... could he at that time... fulfill his daily expectations... "NO"... was the answer. I asked him.. bearing in mind... that the effects of flu... tend to linger...how.. he felt.. afterwards.. when he set of to do something... and was.. stopped in his tracks... via... fatigue... cloudy head....etc... I then asked him... to imagine having those symptoms... for 3 years and how he would cope.... he stuttered and stammered... and said that it wasn't about him... it was about me.. but he has honestly been a gem... he went out of his way afterwards... to ensure that I had every bit of help required.... and for that I truly thank him.... as in the help from a rehabilitation centre... which he directed me to...

The team are great... but I was asked... how long I have had C.F.S. by the psychologist... I said 3 years... and was questioned to the fact... if I have had it for that length of time... why have I not.. learned to deal with it???

Anyway... tomorrow is a new day... just maybe... this horrible existence will have passed.... me thinks not!!!! but I still live in hope... maybe one day... ehh!!!!!

But for tonight.... I'm not going to enter my glass cage... but I will still continue to be my own jailer... my door is locked... and I'm within my safety blanket.... so contentment... will suffice...

But when tomorrow... comes.. I will be concealed... within my glass cage.. with my walls.. reinforced.... "thinks" maybe I have tinted my glass walls too much that my illness.. cannot be seen.... my fault entirely... sorry.... I do not seek an existence.. of pity..... I seek.. one of understanding.... and compliance... understanding... trust... and love...

But alas... I have work tomorrow... I will get picked up from my house... and taken to work... via a taxi.. which is an access to work program... regardless of how I feel... I will get there...

If I sort my hair... and put on some makeup...then I look the part.... my health issues... are definitely invisible to the naked eye... sorted!!!! I will then... suffer in silence...

But on a final note... please pay more attention... to a glass cage ... it is not an exhibit... it is there for a reason...