Within My Glass Cage...
Within my Glass Cage.. I feel safe... and the walls of glass shield me from peoples convictions... yes, perhaps I am now an exhibit to society... but from within my sanctuary I do not have to appease others nor distort there own selfish evaluations of my illness..
Within my sanctuary I can appease the factor of what the eye does not see the brain can deal with... and realisation of my illness and the debilitating factors that I have learned to live with will remain invisible...
Since becoming ill many years ago, I have since realised that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a lonely condition.. due to the fact that many do not understand what we as sufferers go through on a day to day basis...
Many CFS/M.E sufferers have to combine there fight everyday, firstly not only with the symptoms but also the shear factor of disbelief from society, general poor
health, the inability to continue with any sort of employment and many of us have had to give up any social activities..... and due to these factors for some, it does put more of us at risk of depression.... and lessens the motivation to get out of the house.....
All we ask for is a little understanding, the medical care that should be provided, understanding from society and not to be continually fobbed of as a nation of depressives and to be given antidepressants.....
Is this to much to ask???
I think not!!!
We, as sufferers have been rendered to a lifestyle of virtual support.. as many of us are to ill to attend support groups... and offered services within the NHS such as Graded
Exercise and Cognitive Behavior Therapy..... which in my opinion and many others clearly does not work, but these services are still being provided regardless.....
To be honest the difference between suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Depression is that with regards to depression firstly, yes.. the sufferer lacks motivation..
receives counseling, antidepressants and some doctors provide a supportive role in there aid to recovery..... yes.. understandably Depression causes an significant hurdle in the sufferers life... and many sufferers do not get the care that they should.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a different case scenario... yes, many of us have found that we have received the above treatment, but the magic pill given for depression does not work just as easily for CFS/M.E sufferers.
Many of us still have the motivation, we are desperate to get back into employment.. and although as eager and willing the mind is, the body will not follow through, but still we find that we are having to battle with negativity and labels everyday.
Momentarily I stepped beyond my shield of glass.. and tried to conform to a life of so called normality only to find many diversions..
The first diversion led me to a pot of fools gold.. as although I battled to continue with my employment amongst a barrage of symptoms.. instead of finding wealth at the end of the rainbow.. all I found that was my health had
deteriorated even more.. I now suffer from Osteomalacia, Osteopenia, Secondary
Hyperparathyroidism, Absences (non epileptic) and at one point after blood tests
it was found that I had not a drop of Vitamin D in my system... on top of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.
The second diversion led me to a to a route deemed with controlism, selfishness and confusion... Although I chose the route of trust, understanding and companionship..
perhaps I misread the signs along the way???
Within my journeys to normality I was blinded by a rainbow in the horizon, full of promises of a pot of gold at the rainbows edge... as no longer did I wish to be an exhibit to society, I wanted to be part of it and wanted to
experience care and understanding of which I was once promised, but one value I did not lose within my journeys was that of independence and common sense...
I for one, am tired... as both journeys to reality has not only left me disillusioned, but struggling to accept the shear factor of deceit and hurt that I have encountered and for now I will not undertake of anymore journeys to reality..
I intend to remain an exhibit within my Glass Cage as I have learned along the way that the only person that I can depend on is myself... and for those passers by who perhaps, take a glance and wonder why... I know the answers to there questions but will have no need to explain as I will be safe within my sanctuary once again.
For now I am going to rest and hopefully one day soon we as sufferers will be able regain some sort of normality, but most importantly a cure for this debilitating Invisible Illness, more commonly known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.